End of the Year Review / New Year Resolutions

The end of an exciting year!

As I look back on the last year, I realize how much has changed! So much has happened that it's hard to comprehend, but all I did was the next right thing. One day at a time has been a huge motto for me this year. It has saved me multiple times from making rash decisions and going insane!

I want to recap what has happened in the year 2013.

February - Here Comes the Bride… My Aunt!
My Aunt Amy got married! I was one of the bridesmaids, the wedding was beautiful, and I enjoyed getting to see my aunt get married, and have all the family there to celebrate!

March - Tattoo Me
I got my first tattoo! A breast cancer ribbon in honor of all the women in my life, specifically my grandma. It was a scary experience, but the pain was minimal and I love it!

May - I did it!

I graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in Art with a focus in Visual Communications! One of the most exciting and proudest moments in my life. 

June - F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

I got to spend a weekend with some of my best friends! This picture is the only one I got, I love it though! 

California Lovin'

I got to spend a week in San Francisco, California! I spent a majority of the time on my own, travelling to all the spots I was told about. I stayed with my friend Laura, who was so gracious to let me room with her. Thanks Laura!

July - Keeping it Local

I've been fortunate enough to attend a majority of the 2nd Friday's here in Norman. They have reminded me to keep it local and that small businesses are better. I hope it keeps getting bigger and better!

Bountiful friendships

I've realized that I have some pretty great friends. There's nothing more fun than spending time goofing off and hanging out with good people. 

August - We moved!

Jose and I got a place on our own! It's been wonderful, I love living with him and having a cute little place that we can decorate and call it home. 

Who's that little puppy in the window?

We got the cutest, most adorable little pug ever! He's so smart and so stubborn. Pugs have so much personality they are almost like little humans. Chauncey will be 8 months old on January 1st!

Going to the fair!

I won 1st Place and Best in Show on my cobbler at the Oklahoma State Fair, along with 4 other ribbons. It was a wonderful experience and made me realize that I LOVE baking!

October - OU/TX 

A weekend full of fun and just enjoying a trip to Dallas to get away from it all!

Donyae and Alli sitting in a tree!

I got to see my former boss get married to her best friend! What an awesome time Irene and I had. It was a beautiful wedding! That night was too much fun!

November - We are family!

I got to see my family and spend a weekend with my dad, brother, and sister! It was so good to see them and just goof off and spend time together. 

December - Food Blogger Cookie Swap!

I got to partake in the Great Food Blogger Cookie Swap! I got some awesome cookies and had fun making my own! 

She'll be coming around the mountain…

Jose, Chauncey, and I went to Colorado and enjoyed a week out at a cabin relaxing, hiking, and exploring the little towns around us. A good time was had by all!

Merry Christmas to me!

I got some great gifts for Christmas! Just some pictures of only a few things I got, but I love them all!

New Year's Resolutions

I'm sure this is what you've been waiting for. To read what I want to do in the new year. I really don't have too many resolutions but the ones I have a very important to me and I am going to try my best to achieve all of them, even if I don't succeed until December 31, 2014!

1. Be a nicer person - I'm tired of being negative, worrying, controlling, making rude comments, voicing my opinion when it's not asked. I was fortunate(?) to see what I would be like over Christmas break and I didn't like what I saw. It was quite upsetting. So my first goal is to change within. Be better to others, be nicer, be more understanding, be more patient, be more forgiving. 

2. Namaste - More yoga! I started yoga this past September and I love it. I hope to keep it up with a consitent 2 times a week. It helps heal my body and keeps me in tune with what's wrong and what's right. 

3. Last but not least... my #1 Resolution/Goal of the year 2014…

That's right: I want to open a bakery. 

I want to go ahead and thank everyone who has already been supportive of my idea. Keep an eye out on here and my Facebook for news throughout the year. If there is any way you want to support by giving advice, know about an empty business for lease, know about equipment for sale somewhere, etc. let me know. 

Just an FYI - If you're going to come up to me and tell me that this is hard to do: Thank you, I'm well aware of how much work my partners and I are going to have to put into opening a business. This is something I'm not going to mess up by living in a world of wishful thinking. It's a rational idea that I have already started to put into action and the wheels are already turning. 

October Update

It's November already?!?! Oh my goodness! I feel like the year has flown by!

Work

Jobs! Ack! Jobs! Aaaaack!

A week or so ago, Jose and I were sitting in the living room in one of our rare moments of spending time together. I was talking about work (or my projects, I like to say) and how I never seem to have just one job. Jose's nonchalant response, "Maybe you just like to have multiple jobs."

That floored me! Maybe he's right! I mean, I like multitasking, I like being busy, I like knowing/learning about different things... It makes sense!

With that being said, who knows what will happen. I'm taking it one day at a time, being patient and waiting for a sign to tell me what to do next.

Personal

I've been really irritable the last few days and I'm not sure why. They days have been good, I've been productive. I honestly have no idea why I've been grumpy. More likely than not it's my expectations of myself and others, along with the fear of things not going the way I expect them to (more expectations). I need to lay off those or I'll be up to my ears in resentments soon. Hah!

Even though I've been irritable the last few days, I've enjoyed this month tremendously. I don't think it's been any different than the last few months, but it has been a nice month. Maybe I've changed!

Love

There are days like today where I just really miss spending time with my boo. I think the total number of hours Jose works and does martial arts is probably 3 times more than the total number of hours he sleeps.

The one thing I enjoy doing is being a good girlfriend. I like to keep the house clean, I like to do laundry, and I like to cook when I can.

I am super excited about our trip to Colorado in December and hope it will be an enjoyable vacation where we can relax and have a good time up in the mountains. Literally. We are staying in Pine. Pine, Colorado. Just Google it if you're curious.

Experience, Strength, Hope

I got to spend a weekend with a whole bunch of girls and sleep on a garage floor and just bask in the spiritual growth that's in my life. It's kind of fun being super young and doing what I'm doing. That means I'll have more experience ONE day... many moons from now. ;)

This is also the month of gratitude! I'll be posting what I'm grateful for each day on Facebook, because I want to and because I can. There will be a time where I will be able to find things to be grateful for during the other 11 months of the year. I'm not sure if I'll post everyday on Facebook though. Maybe I'll do it on here? Maybe that can be my new goal!

31 things I'm grateful for during the month of October:
Throwing a dinner party, BBS weekend, the excuse to buy 3 bags of candy corn and not be judged, roof over my head, dressing up my dog as a Pugasas, getting rid of my puppy's flea problem, getting in a wreck and not being injured, "curing" my headaches, food in my pantry, food blogging, passion for baking, friends, my mom, Jose, Halloween, fall, cooler weather, a working heater, all the rain, my love of books, my love of knitting, my love of sewing, being organized, being a multi-tasker, a clean house, coffee, my pug mug, the quote, "One day at a time", slippers, and yoga.

Puppy

Happy Birthday to my little Chauncey! He is 6 months old today! (This photo is not mine, nor is that Chauncey IN the photo.)

Oh, and he's HUGE! He's 15 pounds of pure muscle and wrinkles!

He's currently sleeping under my arm as I type. I got home late this evening and could hear him whimpering at the bedroom door. He was so happy to see me! It makes my heart melt!

What I've learned in the past month about raising a pup is that I am an impatient dog owner. But, over the last week I've been practicing "It's not worth it" and "Just let him be" in my head over and over when I want to make/stop him doing something or when I get frustrated that things aren't going my way. It helps I tell ya!

Health + Exercise

I've been doing yoga for just over a month now. I love it! It's so relaxing and it feels so good! I am *this close* to touching my toes for the first time in years. I also did a back bend on my own Monday for the first time since I was probably 12 or so!

Now, it might seem like it isn't a big deal: I'm thin, young, stretchy, yadayada. No. It just goes to show that you don't judge someone by their physical appearance. I have horrible knee problems, my hamstrings are so tight I haven't been able to straighten my legs without pain for 8 years, my core is very weak, and my endurance is practically non-existent. I haven't worked out in probably 6+ years, especially since I quit tennis in high school. Of course, some of that cannot be helped. I can't run, for example, I can't do cross-fit, high intensity courses are out of the question, blah blah blah.

So yoga is doing something for me that I can't do anywhere else. I can take my time (they encourage that!), I can go slow, I don't have to touch my toes if I can't, and it's gentle on my body. I don't want to be toned and have a 6-pack, I just want to be in tune with my body and appreciate what I can do with it. The connection between body and mind, as my friend Anne and I were talking about the other day, is totally there, and you can feel it when you're practicing. It's so interesting and I can't wait to learn more about yoga as a practice!

P.S. - Quitting dairy lasted all of two days. I don't nearly ingest as much, but gosh durn it I just love cheese!

And because it's November, I'm signing off with this: 

September Update!

Hello there, you are once again invited to read a blog post on my monthly happenings. This month I will be talking about September.

Yes. September. I can't believe it has already passed and is now October, then the next thing I know it will be Christmas, then I'll be 30. Ok... maybe not that quickly. But it feels like it sometimes!

Work

Ahh yes, work. Jobs are just great aren't they? Do you think dream jobs exist? Or do you have to create them yourself?

Yes, I said something similar to that in my last post. I'm on the verge of a quarter-life crisis y'all. I don't know what to do. I'm praying and I'm being patient. No drastic or rash decision making, I'm just sitting, waiting, praying, following the footwork, sitting, waiting, praying...

Working from home and working alone is driving me crazy. Literally. I talk to my dog and the computer and I sing showtunes all day. Don't get me wrong, I love showtunes, but Chauncey is not very good at responding to me when I ask a question about coding.  

If you're reading this and believe in sending good thoughts or prayers, please pray a simple prayer for a Higher Power to show me which career path I should take!

Personal

I struggled with writing this part in my blog. I'd written it over a week ago on a bad day and bad week when I was feeling frustrated and angry and feeling sorry for myself. I felt very isolated, which I more than likely brought upon myself. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, and last week, I had to feel sorry for myself. But then I was able to spend time with two very good friends this last week and it made me feel way better.

If you feel like my emotions go up, down and all around, they do. I'm a very emotional person, and I have no problems with it. Sometimes life is great, sometimes life sucks, and that's how it works. I'd rather have a huge array of emotions than none whatsoever. What a boring life that would be!

On a brighter note, the State Fair was a fantastic opportunity! I really really loved making everything, the competitions, the cute ladies who sat around and watched with me. We talked and joked and they just kept on giving me admiration for doing so much at such a young age. They were incredibly inspiring! They were so supportive, and they were just ladies I met on the day of the competition that loved to do what I love to do: bake! The fact that I have two blue ribbons and a purple rosette just blows my mind! What a feat! I'm hoping that God opens up this door for more opportunities but we shall see.

Love

Love is unconditional. I am very grateful for that. I really just love Jose unconditionally. How often does that happen? Rarely. We have our differences, of course, but as Jose told me on our anniversary, we fill those holes for each other and help the other person see things they don't normally see. We are a great example of yin and yang.

It's saddening to see unhealthy relationships last so long. I've seen it all my life and I strive to be unlike them. Another reason it's sad is because I've been in unhealthy relationships where there was no respect or love. It breaks my heart to see people just sit in the warm pile of poo they call a relationship because that's what they are comfortable doing. It also makes me sad to see people cling to their S.O. with the hopes that they will solve all problems. Or the fact that people fear being alone or independent. It's just really sad.

Experience, Strength, Hope

Opportunity has been a big word lately. It's been showing up everywhere. I mean it. Everywhere. Maybe it's a sign? All I know is that I'm not settling. I'm okay with where I am at just for today. I am taking it One Day at a Time. I'm not going to make rash decisions nor will I sit around feeling sorry for myself. I'm grateful I have this kind of life today. I wouldn't be who I am without it.

That being said, I will not just sit around and accept that things aren't the way I want them to be. If I don't like it I will change it! Expect some big changes coming soon!

Puppy

This little goober is the most stubborn and smartest goober I have ever met. He knows things. He knows sit, lay down, shake and speak. But only when he feels like it. Drives me crazy!

The most stressful thing about having a pet, especially a puppy, is not knowing what they need, when they need it, or what they want. I don't understand dog. He doesn't understand human. That really stresses me out. It's a slow process, but it's getting better. He's almost fully potty-trained, as well!

I have learned so much with this pup, it's emotional overwhelming. I've never in my 24 years of living had to take care of someone/thing else. It's always been all about me. Now, I have this adorable 5 month old puppy who relies on me to take care of him and love him and teach him to be a well-trained dog. That responsibility is overbearing sometimes and I feel like I'm not doing enough. But I've been told several times that I'm doing a great job and I'll just believe that they believe in me until I can do it myself. 

Health + Exercise

I think it's time for a lifestyle change. I've been waking up with headaches lately, along with having constant back pain. I'm sure it's from sitting in an office chair all day. Or just sitting in general. Along with not eating well because I got tired of cooking but am too lazy to get food. Welcome to my life, haha. I also think it's time to start something new.

I went to ashtanga yoga last week and it was amazing. I think this will be something that becomes consistent in my life. It was challenging, but not too challenging to where I felt discouraged. A perfect balance, if you will.

I'm also working on cutting dairy out of my life. This may or may not be impossible. Milk, yogurt, and butter aren't the problem, it's the cheese. My word, I love cheese so much. And if you know me, you definitely know that. So I'm working on cutting out all the cheese I eat. Which is a lot. But I've been eating some red meat again, so I'm not going vegan. I just don't think I need to ingest so much fatty dairy. Too much of a good/tasty thing is not a good thing, ya dig?

August Update!

A little blurb on my thoughts and experience through August.

Work

Jobs. They're great aren't they? Do you think dream jobs exist? Do you think you can make your own dream job?

If I could make my own dream job, I'd have a bakery and a design shop. I'd sell cake and pie by the slice (as mentioned in a previous post), and I'd sell my designs such as stationary, screen printed things, and other crafts I enjoy. I would/could sell wedding/event packages like cakes/desserts/invitations/stationary/etc. I'd be so happy. It would be like The Social Club, except food instead of a hair. It would be amazing. 

Also, if you haven't seen, I'm need to do freelancing. I have to save up money for a few large expenses coming up. So if you or anyone you know needs design work done, contact me. I've designed for people near and far. If you don't know if I can do it, just ask. I'm diverse in my design talents. Just email me.

 

Wedding invitations for my former boss! So fun!

Personal

I love hanging out with friends. Too bad I don't have a group that hang out consistently. I used to have a group of friends in middle school, I had basically the same group of friends in high school except we kind of branched out, and even into my early years of college. We would always hang out all the time. Whatever happened to that kind of socialization? It's like we're so busy doing things that we forget friends exist. I do it, too. I'm trying to suceed in life, I have a puppy, I have a boyfriend, a house to take care of, other things, freelancing. So when do I have time to hang out with friends? Sometimes I wish I had a specific night of hanging out, where a bunch of people come over and we watch like 2 movies and eat pizza and popcorn and just chill.

The great thing is that because of my job, I feel more connected with the local scene. It's so cool that there is always something going on almost every weekend ever. Last night I went to H&8th. I almost always go to 2nd Friday. I just started going to Tuesday Trivia Night at McNellies. There are always thing going on at the Opolis, downtown OKC, Campus Corner. I mean it's endless! Which is great!

I've also been doing a lot of knitting, crafting, baking and cooking. I love knitting. I'm currently working on socks. They are intense (the learning process and trial & error is crazy) but they are so cool looking! Then I just recently finished a Harry Potter scarf, which I love!

I'm also entered in the Oklahoma State Fair to do 6 different contests! Ahhh! I have a cookie jar contest, a pie contest, a cobbler contest, two cake contests, and a cupcake contest. It's been fun testing things and trying new recipes. I can't wait to drop everything off! Only one more week! Ahhh!

Love

Ahhhh love. I love love. I love being a good girlfriend. I will tell you, it's not easy to not think of yourself first. Since we've moved into the new apartment, I have essentially become the homemaker. Except I have a job, so technically I'm not. What's humorous is that I just looked up what homemaking is. Basically I manage the home. Y'all... It's hard work. (PS that Wiki page is hilarious) There was a time where I thought I'd get a HUGE resentment because I keep the house clean, do the laundry, feed and water the dog, cook a few meals a week, work a decent chunk of the day, etc. But after I talked with someone I realized that it's a commitment I'm willing to take. I keeps me busy, the house stays clean, I get my job done, and I love taking care of my boyfriend. Now if only he'd propose. ;] (I would say I'm kidding, but who am I kidding? I'm not kidding at all. LOL)

<3 (Also, if you click on propose, you'll see something I want!)

Experience, Strength, Hope

What a year for experience, strength and hope! 5th year, y'all. Take about seeing every single one of my character defects in action and having to give them all up. If I don't let go of these defects, I will destroy everything I have. I could easily do that, too. I catch myself thinking in old ways and wanting to say/do things that would only be because of my past. If you know what this section is about, then you know what I'm talking about. I feel like this summer has definitely been about awareness and honesty with myself. I have to be honest when I do something wrong, and I have to see it immediately or I will slip back into that crazy lifestyle I had before. Thankfully I don't have to do this alone. There are a handful of people who have really helped me grow this summer and I want to thank them. They may/may not know who they are. :] 

Sorry in advance, but I love this pic! 2 great friends! :]

Puppy

Oh my gosh. This puppy. Chauncey. Chauncey Bruner. Pug. 10 pounds. Fawn coat. Adorable. Energetic. Wall-eyed. Did someone pray for me to have patience? Because if you did, it has arrived to me in puppy form. What an experience having a puppy has been. He is so adorable and so young and just has no idea what he's doing half the time. He chases his tail for 30 minutes straight, he snores even when he's awake, he loves loves loves sleeping on mommy's lap and playing with daddy. He loves being petted and getting attention. He chews on everything because he's teething. He drinks so much water, but most of it really goes on the floor. He is not quite potty trained and sometimes just has the urge to pee in the middle of the floor. We're getting better at it.

Chauncey has been and will continue to be a miracle in my life. Teaching/training him has been a HUGE test on my patience and my compassion and understanding. I realized I have neither. I kind of knew that before, but now it's definitely visible. I get mad, I get frustrated, I get upset, I yell then I cry because why am I yelling at a puppy???? It's getting better but boy do I have some glaring defects. He just wants me to be happy! You should see his face when he knows I'm mad. His ears are down and he comes over and sniffs the closest body part (usually my feet) and then gives it a tiny lick and glances up at me to see if I'm still mad. I can't stay mad at that! What a cutie. I love him so much!

I can't tell if he's laughing at me or yawning...

Health

Eczema and psoriasis. Yup. Got both. Apparently I just have super super sensitive skin. I was recently "diagnosed" with eczema and was told I had psoriasis sometime last year. I put quotations around diagnosed because, really, a large majority of people have skin problems. Mine just happens to be a whole bunch of them.

Let me tell you, because I don't complain often about it, but... it sucks. Having skin problems is the ONE thing that hinders my self-esteem. My skin will never be smooth, it will never be mark free, and I will constantly battle with scented lotions/soap/detergents/etc. Oh and I have varicose veins. Gross.

Here's what I've found out over the summer. My skin reacts to soap, lotion, detergent, moisturizer, face wash, makeup, mascara, eye liner, perfume, scented anything, pet dander, heat, humidity, heat, and more heat.

I am allergic to my mascara and probably my eyeliner as well... just figured that out yesterday. Makes sense why my eyes have been burning for the last few months. Duh.

I am allergic to lots of face wash. I have to be careful or I will puff up like a blow fish. This is not an exaggeration. Quite hilarious until it happens. I've recently changed to Neutrogena Naturals facewash. I use Neutrogena make up (except mascara, which I will be switch over to this weekend).

I am sensitive to scented lotions/body washes. So I switched over to Aveeno in July. It's super expensive (everything is $8+ per item) but it's totally worth it. My itchiness and dryness have scaled down tremendously.

Being hot is torture. I'm not burning (as in sun burn) but my skin burns and itches like crazy. Sweat makes it worse, but sweating is supposed to help eczema, so it's like a lose lose situation. Haha. Oh well! I love being cold, and our apartment stays cold constantly. Jose usually wears pants or a sweater and here I am sitting in shorts and a tank top, usually still quite warm. Life on life's terms!

Exercise

Ok all you healthy exercising people. Help me out here. I think I want to start working out again. Some form of exercise. There is one problem though...

I can't do anything that involves jumping or running. So there goes 95% of all exercise options, I know. It's because of my knees, as most of you know. It would destroy my knees... Actually, that's what destroyed them in the first place!

I want to do something that will help my cardio and maybe tone me up. I don't want a 6 pack or intense body building muscles. I just want to improve my cardio and tone my arms and legs. It would be more beneficial to me to do something that's consistent and fun, not just sitting alone in my house watching a DVD. I'll tell you right now, I won't do it.

So if any of you have any ideas, let me know!

Also if anyone likes tennis or wants to learn, I'm willing to teach and/or play with you!

Gratitude

As I'm sitting here patiently waiting for the magazine to upload via FTP, I can't help but think of today and the last few days, the last few weeks, and the last few months.

This summer has been a weird one. I'm not even sure I can wrap my brain around the events of this summer, but they are all very out-of-the-element for me.

I realized today, as I was trudging through one of the longest days of my life (it seemed), that I am really greatful for where I am today.

There are always things I'm grateful for, and most of the time I don't think about them. But today I felt the gratitude coming in on me in waves. Maybe it's my pure exhaustion, my anxiety, my whatever. I am super sensitive to my emotions today and wanted to take the time to write about it. 

I got an email from my trust fund (a.k.a. my grandfather who helped me with college) saying that they would pay off the rest of my $600+ bursar bill. I'm so grateful I have grandparents who care about my future and want me to be successful.

I have a car that runs, and I don't have to make payments on it, my insurance is cheap and I get great mileage. Yes, this seems petty, but I am grateful I have these opportunities that some people just don't get.

I'm grateful I am financially stable (as long as I don't go on shopping sprees). I haven't been financially stable ever. I have a job that I work full time and I get paid well. I can live comfortably with a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food in my stomach. I don't have to live in financial fear.

Life is not as bad as it seems. In all reality, if I compared my problems to those of some of the people around me, I am living the grand ol' life. I have everything I need and that is all that matters. I have a boyfriend who loves me, I have friends who are there for me when I need them, and I never have to face anything alone.

There are circumstances around me that have made me realize how grateful I should be. I can get so caught up in the whirlwind of life that I can easily take things for granted, such as life. I am not living on my time, I am living on God's time. I just want to be a good person and do good things and be content with where I am.

So that is my thought for the day. I am grateful I'm where my feet are. 

Bonus Day 31 - 30 Day Challenge

A vivid memory.

Hmm... I have several vivid memories. To me, those are the turning points in my life, the moments when I know I need to change or when I realize I have changed. Sometimes they are moments of loss or grief. Other times they are of pure joy. Here are two that will always stick out in my head:

1. When I knew a new chapter in my life was about to begin. 
This was three years ago. I had been thinking recently around this time that I needed change in my life and it wouldn't happen until I had the strength to break up with my horrible boyfriend. It was a terrible relationship and I was too scared to end it. I was a nanny/babysitter for a family with three kids and I was sitting out on the porch watching them play outside. I got a phone call while I was out on that porch that day that I couldn't say was anything less than a miracle. Our relationship was finally over and I was so so so relieved. I remember just thinking that God had done something for me that I couldn't have done for myself and I am forever grateful for that day and that moment.

2. When I fell in love with Jose. 
I remember this like it was yesterday. We had been dating a little over a month and were at OU/TX sitting on the gigantic ferris wheel at the Texas State Fair. He leaned over and kissed me and it was just so adorable and sincere that I knew right then we would be together for a long time. Oddly and funnily enough, we didn't drop the L-bomb until January. Hah!

Day 30 - 30 Day Challenge

React to this term: Letting Go.

This is one of my favorite sayings!

I think one of my latest blog posts was exactly about this, but I'd love to talk more about what it means to me.

I am the kind of person who likes to hold on to things. I like things I'm used to, and I don't like things I'm not used to. It's simple. I like to be comfortable and content with where I am, who I am, who I'm with and what I'm doing.

My Higher Power, however, wants me to keep changing. He doesn't want me to be complacent or stagnant, He wants me to grow and become a better person every day.

And to be honest, there are days when I get frustrated and want to stay exactly where I am.

On days (or weeks or months, and in some cases almost years) when I don't want to do anything right I just want to be where I am and not have to worry about change, I have to let go.

I have to let go of my expectations, my will, my ways of thinking, my ideas, my attitude, my fears, my worries, my everything. Obviously what I'm doing is not helping and my actions are not changing what's around me.

One prime example in my life was just last January to August. Everything around me was changing. I was a junior on my way to being a senior in college. My boyfriend had changed. He quit smoking, he quit partying, he quit eating unhealthy and he started exercising. It was a strange thing to see my boyfriend of almost two years change so drastically and it really threw me off. Then it seemed like school was changing. It was getting over-dramatic and obnoxious and I started to hate school. I started to not enjoy hanging out with people anymore, they were driving me crazy and I couldn't stand listening to their drama. During this time my mom moved to Texas, I was struggling finding a stable job, it was getting closer and closer to that point where I would have to grow up and I grew scared. I had been so comfortable going to school the last 20 years that I didn't know if I could make it out there. All of this was going on around me and I was stuck. I didn't know what to do and I didn't like it.

Finally, after EIGHT of the LONGEST MONTHS OF MY LIFE, I surrendered. I had to let go or I wouldn't be able to take it any more. I finally prayed to God to help me and let go of all my fears, expectations and old actions. It is amazing what God can do, because that's exactly what happened.

This last year (since August) has been amazing. It was one of the most enjoyable school years I had, I was able to accept my boyfriend for who he is, even if it was different than what I knew. I can get on my knees and pray to my God to remove my expectations and attitude so I can be a better person. I have less fear today about my future and know that my Higher Power will help me as long as I stay near him.

So that's what letting go means to me.

Being able to give up what's comfortable, even if I'm miserable, so I can grow and learn and in the end be happy, joyous and free. 

Day 29 - 30 Day Challenge

Five songs or pieces of music that speak to you or bring back memories. Use Grooveshark or YouTube to include them in the post.

1. Blue October - Into the Ocean

This song literally saved my life when I was younger (late teens). I was really struggling back then, and I remember discovering them, of all places, while I was working at JCPenney. I remember thinking how heartbreaking and how real this song seemed to me, and I continued to listen to Blue October for years. (On my CD it's been listened to probably 100+ times)

 

2. Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeroes - Home

This song is the song of Jose's and my relationship. Gross, right? I love this song, always have and probably always will. It's endearing, it's sweet and it feels true in my heart. (On iTunes, it's been listened to 110x)

3.  John McLaughlin - So Close

This one is interesting. I love the song and I heard it first while watching Enchanted. It's such a sweet sweet song, and I still haven't figured out if it's about being together forever, or not being able to be together forever.... regardless, I still love it. (On iTunes, it's been listened to 80x)

4. My Chemical Romance - Helena

Let's bring out the emo shall we? I looooooved MCR so so so much in high school. It's still embedded in my brain and I'm pretty sure I remember all the lyrics to every song they ever made. So there's that. I used to draw pictures of MCR in my notebooks and wear red and black because it was obviously cool. I also had crushes on guys who looked like they could easily be a band member. I was so cool. (On my CD it was played probably a 1,000,000+ times)

5.  Landon Pigg - Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop

One more squishy one. This one is really sweet. I just really like it and the fact that it talks about coffee... Okay it only says this twice, but still. (On iTunes, it's been listened to 91x)

 

Day 28 - 30 Day Challenge

Only pictures.

Our first official outing as a couple.

Goofy in Mexico!

I love Harry Potter. ϟ

My closest friends!

Modeling

Modeling

OU/TX

Feeding my favorite safari animal!

Modeling!

Professional

Logo

I found Waldo!

My nickname!