What thing(s) are you most afraid of?
I just listened to a reading recently about fear. I couldn't tell you any of the exact words, but it basically said that the only thing fear did was hinder you from living.
Well, you can tell me that all you want, but those little 8-legged freaks called spiders are the worst thing to walk this planet.
Gross.
In all seriousness, the fear I have for non-physical things is what hinders me from living. I'm making progress though. These fears do not prevent me from living fully, but they are still there and I am willing to talk about them. I know many people have the same fears, and I think they are just natural.
For one, death. I know, I know, it's just a process in life. Life begins, it goes, it ends. I understand yet I don't understand. It's something I struggle with constantly. I didn't experience many people dying while I was growing up, and when I did, the experience was traumatic. One main example being when my great grandmother died. My mom wanted to take me and go to her funeral and my step-dad wouldn't allow us to go, so we had to end up missing her services. It's kind of like I didn't get to say good-bye, and it held a cloud of guilt over me. My experience with losses today are much different. When my grandfather passed away two years ago, I was surrounded by people who loved me and knew I was sad. The consoled me and told me it was okay to feel that way. I've learned that I'm not alone and I'm surrounded by dear friends who can hold me up when a loved one leaves.
A second fear is being stuck. I have a great fear that I'll get stuck somewhere that makes me miserable. Recently, my fear of being stuck in Oklahoma was very large. I don't want to get stuck in a dead-end lifestyle that will leave me unhappy, depressed, and just plain sad. If I turned this fear into an asset, I would like to think of myself as an adventurer. Even though I'm living in Norman for a while, I'll get the opportunities I might not have if I moved somewhere more expensive. Over the next few years, I want to travel and explore the U.S. and my first stop is San Francisco! Of course, I'm pretty happy here, so it's just an irrational concern. (Although I must say: I'd rather be in Texas.)
My third fear is being a failure. I have had this fear since I was a child. I have always thought that I would be a failure if I don't do exactly what I planned on doing. Fortunately, this is not the case. I've been able to see this fear as an asset. I strive to be persistent and hard-working which is seemingly hard to find in my generation. With this fear being turned into an attribute I have learned to be financially independent at a very young age. I became responsible at an age where most kids were siphoning money off their parents. It wasn't easy, but I appreciate the experience none-the-less.
My fourth fear... and it ties everything together... is not knowing the future. Who knows what's going to happen? I can't control the future and it drives me crazy! I just want to know exactly what happens right when it's supposed to happen. Of course, this is not how life works. I'm slowly accepting that I have to let things happen as they happen. The positive thing about not knowing what the future holds is just that: I don't know what the future holds. I would rather it be an exciting experience than a troubling one. I'm working on it!
Until then, I can only accept myself as I am today, and know that whatever happens, I'll be ok.
No comments:
Post a Comment