Compassion, not patronization.

This post might be a little rant-y but I need to get this off my chest. This is something I've been struggling with for a while and there are several reasons. Hopefully you can relate, and if you read something that stands out to you, maybe start doing something different. Here goes:

Let me tell you what I can't stand. Being patronized for being young by older people. It's so rude and disrespectful.

Let me tell you a story, perhaps you'll be able to relate. You're in class and your teacher is explaining a lesson on the white board. There's a word on that board that you don't know what it means. You raise your hand, ask the teacher what it means, and everyone laughs at you, and someone condescendingly answers your question. How do you feel? Embarrassed and angry and upset. Right? Could that have happened differently?

When I was young, there would be times I would go ask my mom or step-dad for help. Or ask them a question that I didn't know the answer to. Seems normal, right? A 4 or 5 year old asking for help or for an answer. What I didn't expect was them just laughing at me and calling me silly or telling me I don't know what I'm talking about or responding in a mocking manner. Do you know what that does to a young child? 

It teaches them two HUGE life lessons:

1) That they are stupid because they don't know the answer.

2) That asking for help will just result in being embarrassed by someone they THOUGHT they could trust and would help them.

Why would I want to ask for help or ask a question ever again? Good question, which I can answer with this: I didn't. From a young age, after being ridiculed enough, I stopped asking. In the future, this would get me into a lot of trouble and make me a very angry person.

These two "life lessons" made me feel like I wasn't respected and wasn't loved by people who should love me. I had teachers do this, friends, family, you name a person, they probably patronized me. How upsetting, to have your confidence and curiosity taken away slowly over time by people who don't even realize what they're doing. That confidence and curiosity slowly turns into resentment and hurt feelings. Why would someone make fun of me when I'm just trying to learn and understand things?

Adults do this to adults, too. It drives me nuts, and I am grateful I'm aware of why it makes me angry.

Here's the deal. We only live once, LITERALLY. When I am going through something for the first time, why do adults not treat me with respect and help me walk through it? Why laugh at me like it's not big deal? It's a BIG FREAKING DEAL. I've never had to deal with this problem/crisis/event. Why not help me understand what's going on? Why not empathize and tell me you've been there? Then, when I experience it, and maybe experience it again, I'll think, "Wow, I've done this before, I can do it again!" instead of being embarrassed for not knowing how to handle it the first time and being laughed and feeling ignorant by people who have dealt with it before.

Let me tell you, I still don't understand why people patronize others. And let me ALSO tell you that I know I'm guilty of it sometimes. Is it a pissing contest for who's been through the most? Is it a way to validate their resentments for not doing enough when they were younger? Is it fear based? Is it a way to feel better about themselves because they've experienced it and a younger person hasn't? Is it because they, too, grew up being patronized for asking questions and the only way they know how to express themselves is by patronizing others?

Maybe I should stop asking questions and start taking action. From now on, I'm going to make a conscious effort to stop patronizing others when they are asking questions or asking for help. I'm going to make an effort to have compassion and empathy for someone who has never gone through an experience and doesn't know how to handle it. If I get asked for advice, I'm going to help them by sharing my own personal experience instead of going, "HAH! How adorable. Ahh, how it must be so easy being young!" Because let me tell you. It's NOT easy being young in today's world.

So, check your motives and be a little more compassionate to people who have never handled a situation and come to you to talk about it. They're putting their fears out there because they don't know how to handle it and need help, they don't need to be patronized.

Living with Anxiety

Anxiety sucks.

It really, really sucks.

Let me share with you my experience with anxiety.

Unless you have talked with me one on one about it, you would probably never know I have it. I've never been to the doctor and diagnosed, I've never been on medication for it, and I plan to work through what I deal with using pen, paper, and help from others. That doesn't mean all people can deal with it like I do, and I can't deal with it like others do, this is just my experience.

I'm sure if I look back and write about it, I could see the anxiety starting to simmer in middle school when we moved to Oklahoma. I'm not saying moving is the blame, because I'm sure it would've still existed had we stayed in Texas. It just made it worse more quickly.

Back in middle school and high school, my anxiety was triggered by feeling like I was stuck in the environment I grew up in and that I would stay stuck. I was afraid I could never escape the grips of my stepdad and have freedom and happiness. I worried about it, had nightmares, and constantly feared that I would have to deal with it forever. Was it rational? No. Was it a real feeling? Absolutely.

In college, I feared that I would never have enough money and that I would end up on the streets because I couldn't afford to live and go to school. I feared failure. That I wouldn't ever be able to have a stable career and not have to worry about which bill to pay that month. I feared that I would always be in relationships where they only used me and never loved me. I feared I was never good enough. Was it rational? No. Was it a real feeling? Absolutely.

Today I deal with anxiety about one inevitable event. I'm going to finally drop this weight off of my chest. I am absolutely terrified about death. I hate it. I hate talking about death, I hate thinking about it, watching it in movies, seeing it on Facebook. I can't stand it. It's a huge trigger for me.

Do I know why? Sure. I have little trust in the process of life. I want to do the things I want to do and not run out of time. I want to experience everything. Sometimes I wish I could go back and relive my childhood so it turns out better with the knowledge I have now. Sometimes I wish I could remove my attachments to people and run away forever so I don't have to deal with the heart break and grief of losing loved ones. Is it rational? No. Is it a real feeling? Absolutely.

I can't get rid of my anxiety. I've tried. Over and over and over. Meditating about it. Determinedly focusing and reminding myself that it's inevitable. Not thinking about it. Avoiding talking about it.

I've come to the point where I feel beat up and broken enough to do something different. I want to talk about my anxiety over the one thing I have absolutely no control over. So there you have it: I am terrified of death.

This fear can wind its way through everything. It can make me irritable, restless, and discontent. I feel stuck at a dead end, not knowing what I should do next. I want to run away and start over. I become unfocused and distracted.

Here's the thing I see when I look back on those moments of fear. I've gotten through it. I've been able to overcome it and move on. I've gotten stronger. I escaped the crappy childhood. I have financial stability. I have a relationship that is perfect for me. I'm not crazy enough to think I'll avoid death, but I know that I can overcome this anxiety, too.

It all boils down to one word: faith. I don't have it at the moment. I've slowly lost it in the last two years and I don't know why or where. I'm hoping it will return once more and my anxiety, though it won't go away, will lessen. I am looking forward to the day I can lay my head down at night and not have the fear seep into my heart. I am looking forward to the day where I can sit there and realize that I haven't had an anxiety attack or a moment of overwhelming fear hit me in "x" amount of days or even weeks!  I will keep my head up and know that I will one day see a better day, but until then I'm going to trudge this path.

*Note*
I would also like to post on here three things. Usually when I post something more serious, people lose their minds thinking that I'm in danger and having suicidal thoughts and wanting to off myself and am manic depressive, etc. 

1) I am NOT having suicidal thoughts. I am sharing my personal experience with anxiety and fear so others don't have to feel so isolated in their own anxiety and fear. I have gotten more relief than I can express when someone opens up to me about a fear they have that I have, too. Anxiety does not always equal suicide. Oddly enough, I think that route would defeat the reason of the anxiety I'm dealing with right now, no?

2) I am NOT interested in therapy or counseling  I do not want people sending me info for professional help. I have a very specific way of dealing with my anxiety that works, even if it takes time. I don't want to medicate my feelings away, nor do I want to "talk it out" with someone who gets paid to listen to my problems. If counseling works for you, great. It does not work for me. 

3) When you're dealing with someone who struggles with anxiety, stop effing telling them "You'll be alright," or "It's going to be okay," or "Stop worrying about it." That sh*t doesn't help. If I wanted to stop worrying about it, don't you think I would've stopped already? Perhaps try, "I'm so sorry you're struggling with that," or "If you need to talk, I'm here," or just hug them. 

I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty

Today I want to talk about body confidence.

Recently, I've had some experiences that have made me become even more aware of how people perceive themselves. Someone I loved was just tearing themselves apart; calling their OWN SELF fat, ugly, and frumpy. Another teen I know was talking about how gross her pooch was. Hearing people say these things about their own body made me so terribly sad. I want to do something different and take action, even if it just begins with me.

The media is a cruel tool to convince women that they aren't perfect the way they are. We see commercials telling us that this or that will make our skin flawless, the cellulite go away, our hair to be lighter or straighter or curlier. We see TV shows and celebrities that are constantly gossiped about for not having a "perfect" body. Advertisements show severely photoshopped women and say that they are naturally flawless. It took me a long time (well after my early teenage years) to see that the things I was seeing on TV were fake and unrealistic. It took much more time to learn to love the body I have but it has given me so much confidence and happiness in life.

This project might seem arrogant, but I think it's vital to love ourselves. I can't rely on someone or something to make me feel beautiful or successful, I can only rely on myself. If I try to rely on someone to make me feel beautiful or successful, I will be constantly filled with disappointment because not one person or thing can give that to me. This post is to help me see the good physical things about myself and to encourage you to do the same.

Here are 10 physical things about myself that make me feel beautiful without anyone having to tell me so:

1. That jawline, though. Seriously, I have a pretty chiseled jaw line. Sometimes it can lend to more manly features, but for me, I think it's a good feature to have and I love it. It works well with my face shape.

2. My crooked smile. If you haven't noticed, I do have a crooked smile. I was hit in the face with a seesaw when I was little and it damaged the nerves in my lip. I've learned to control my smile so I don't show the nerve damage as much, but I have also grown to like it.

3. The silliest facial expressions. Seriously, my face can make some crazy expressions. Sometimes I look like Beeker from the muppets, I can wrinkle my face up, I can smile like a crazy loon. I also love making crazy facial expressions and my face just lends me the talent.

4. Cheese! One thing I have noticed over the past few years is that I can smile and it feels natural. Does that sound crazy? Maybe so, but I can see it in photos that even underneath the posed smile, the happiness seeps through. It could be from the confidence I have been gaining over the past few years or that I am truly happy these days, regardless it's nice to see.

5. How's the weather up there? If you haven't noticed, I am tall. 5'9" last time I checked. I love being tall and I love wearing heels. There's just something empowering about being tall!

6. Fashion do's. I have learned over the years how to dress the body I have. I am tall, with a pear shaped body. I know what looks good on my body and I know what accents the good parts and how I can camouflage the areas I don't want to show off. Knowing what to wear and what looks good helps boost my confidence and in the end that radiates from my person.

7. Dat booty. Seriously though, I have a big butt. I've learned to embrace it instead of hating it. There's not enough squat sets that I can do to make my butt smaller and honestly, why would I? Extra cushion and I fill out a pair of jeans!

8. Lushus hair! My hair is wonderful. I love my hair. It's healthy and thick and currently half pink. I can hold a bun or a top knot, I can go several days without washing it, and any hair dresser I've ever been to just can't believe how healthy and thick my hair is.

9. Makeup or nah? I love wearing makeup and I'm slowly learning how to do it well. Even though I love wearing it, I've also learned to love myself with out it. It's important to love the body you're in because that's the one you have forever. I may occasionally have breakouts or circles under my eyes, but I just take care of my skin the best that I can.

10. Curve ball. A huge thing I have to remember is that everyone is human and we all have flaws. I'm not perfect and neither is anyone else. While I may look at someone and think, "Wow, they look so perfect and thin and flawless!" I'm sure they look at themselves in the mirror and can find only the things they hate. I don't want to look in the mirror and only see disapproval. I want to love myself and my body, so that's what I'm going to do.

So I'm turning this project over to you. I want you to find 10 physical things you love about yourself. If you have more, great! You can comment on this post or just post it on your Facebook and tag me or email me privately. All I want is for you to find something you love about yourself.

Why I Run

I've been running for about 6 months now. I run 3 days a week unless I am out of town. During the summer, I've been going to the gym and I alternate between running and elliptical.

I started my "big girl" job at the beginning of December. I spend 8-5 mostly sitting at a desk, only getting up to go to lunch and to get water from the basement. Nothing too crazy, no serious movement. Just after Christmas I realized that I started feeling like the humans from Wall-E.

I was at a point where I was not financially stable (thanks car), and I couldn't and didn't want to spend the money on going to the gym or taking classes, so I decided that all I needed to start running was running shoes. Not too bad. 

In January, I started the Couch to 5K 7-week plan. I had a goal that I wanted to run the Color Me Rad 5K in May, and I wanted to ACTUALLY run it. So I decided to double the plan (14 weeks, 3 1/2 months, just about perfect timing). I'm so glad I did because when I started running, I didn't realize that I was getting my body fit for running for the first time ever. My body wasn't used to running: the hard impact, the heavy breathing, being out of breath, hurting. It took me a solid 2 months before I could even run 2 full miles non-stop. It wasn't easy, and often it was painful, but it paid off. So here's why I run, the benefits of running, and some tips to make it seem more possible. 

Why I Wanted to Run:

- I felt soooooooo out of shape. I have never been one to work out for long periods of time. The only thing I kept up longer than a couple of months was yoga. So in the past 26 years, I've always been unathletic with spurts of athleticism. I decided I wanted to change that. 

- I need to take care of my body. While I may only be in my twenties, I want to start taking care of my body. It's the time where I can change my eating habits and my exercising habits and my thinking habits most easily. My body is not in great shape, I don't have a pain-free life. I have chronic pain, frequent headaches, and other ailments that are alleviated when I exercise. 

- Be the change you want to see. I have seen and heard more than I can count of people who complain constantly about being out of shape or eating too much or feeling tired all of the time, etc. I don't want to be that person. Yes, I have cellulite on my thighs and I have a pooch; yes, I eat a ton of carbs; yes, I am tired... but I CAN change that, and I wanted to be another example of, "If I can do it, so can you."

- Break out of the mundane. While I love my job, good grief it can be so boooooooring to sit at a desk and stare at a screen all day. I'm a very energetic person and need to be able to do something to help expel my energy.

- No regrets. While some people have no regret eating 3,000 calories a day and being over weight, not fitting into their clothes, sitting around all day doing nothing, or what-have-you, I have a strong sense of guilt if I over-indulge and don't do something to recompense. If I want that ice cream cone, or all 12 of those cookies, I need to do something to burn it off. In reverse, when I run, I feel good and know that I can enjoy the foods I love without feeling the guilt! As I say often, I run so I can eat.
- What's a scale? Since I've been running, I have not stepped foot on the scale. I weighed myself in January at some point and clocked in at 150. Not an upsetting weight, only 5 pounds higher than what I had been that time last year. But here's the thing. The scale is just a number. No matter what it says on there, I need to be listening to my body, not the number on the scale. I could weight 155 and be a pant size smaller due to lost fat and gained muscle. I could weigh 140 and have very little muscle and more fat. Numbers are irrelevant. If I feel good and I look good and I approve of how I feel and look, that's all that matters. 

The Benefits (for me):

- No more chronic knee pain. Crazy to think, but running has basically made my chronic knee pain disappear. I only hurt when the weather is changing (old wives tale but totally real, btw). I can walk a lot longer, stand longer, and overall my knees have felt very little pain in the six months I've been running.

- I run so I can eat. I stated this earlier, but it's also a great benefit. While I eat a lot of homemade meals, pasta, cereal, bread, and cheese, I keep my calorie intake low. So even though I eat carbs often, I don't eat a lot. Running has allowed me to eat more enjoyable foods without having to cut my calorie intake even more. Nice!

- I crave healthier things. I think this is a HUGE benefit. Since I've been running, my desire to eat sugar constantly has definitely decreased. I feel like since I take care of my body physically, I'll want to start feeding it better food. I have been craving more salads, veggies, and healthier things like pickles and mushrooms and bell peppers. I like to eat less processed foods as well. Sweet! Oh, and I for sure drink more water and less diet soda. Even better!

- Gets me out of my head. I'm naturally a neurotic person. I think think think think think. That's all I do. I over think and obsess over all kinds of things. Running has been amazing in the fact that it gives me an hour of time where I'm focusing on how my body is running, my posture, and my breathing instead of the thoughts running through my head. I usually have a while after I run when I feel very zen as well. Also a plus!

- The feeling of achievement never grows old. But seriously. Every. Single. Time. that I run a 5K (3.12 miles) the feeling of achievement is so overwhelming. I sometimes have to refrain myself from jumping up and down or hurrahing out loud. The feeling of amazement washes over me because it's such a huge accomplishment, even if I do it 3 times a week. The fact that I CAN run is a miracle in and of itself. 

What I Have to Remind Myself:

- Excuse me, you've only been running 6 months. Yeah, you heard me. You're a baby runner. Your body is still adjusting to running. Your muscles are still strengthening. Your lungs are still adjusting. Once day you'll be able to run a 5K non-stop, but until then you're doing great!

- Running is hard. It is! Your body is doing all of these things it doesn't normally do. It's a hard impact sport. Sometimes the weather doesn't cooperate and you can't run as well because the humidity is 1000% and you feel like you're swimming through the air. Sometimes it's so hot that all you can think about is the fact that you are sure you are evaporating. Sometimes it's so cold you know your fingers are going to fall off from frostbite. But you know what? You did it anyway!

- It's okay to be inconsistent. Some days I can run 3.12 miles non-stop and slightly winded, some days I can run 2 miles and I'm dying, there was a 2 week period where I re-sprained my foot and just did yoga instead. Occasionally I skip running when I'm out of town. I just need to make sure I get back on track as soon as possible. I'm not perfect, and I don't always make it, but I try and that's all that matters. 

- Ew. You are going to be so gross and sweaty even though you thought it wasn't possible. You'll even sweat when it's snowing outside. You'll think to yourself why did I even bother with wearing nice workout clothes? It's cool, I do the same thing. 

- You're gonna hurt. For the first 3 months I CONSTANTLY had shin splints. All day every day. It felt like a horse kicked me in the shins nonstop for months. I iced them, used a heat pack, ibuprofen, etc. Running helped, and eventually they went away. I can't even remember the last time I had them! Also charlie horses and stitches in the side are two other things that can and will happen. 

Tips I've Learned

- Ponytails. I wear my hair low on my neck. If I wear a high ponytail it just bounces around and eventually becomes too loose to function and I have to stop and redo it. Wearing it low helps me not worry about it. 

- Headbands. Cotton headbands are nice. When I'm running outside, I wear them to keep the wind from blowing hair in my face. 

- Makeup. I usually take my makeup off before I run for one main reason. If I sweat profusely while wearing makeup, I have a tendency to have more acne breakouts than if I have a clean face. Also, if I'm running outside, it allows my skin to get some sun (a healthy dose!).

- Clothes. I've gotten by with cheer shorts, running shorts, yoga pants, and sweat pants. They all work. Don't think you need fancy pants just to run. Start with whatever you've got! I also wear a plain t-shirt or tank and a cheap sports bra. Easy peasy. 

- Breathing. Look up tricks on breathing exercises to help strengthen your lungs for breathing. I don't do much, I just inhale longer and exhale slower. It seems to help. It's definitely something I need to look into more!

- Stretching. I know, if you're like me, that you think stretching sounds so dumb and like a waste of time. It definitely helps to loosen and relax your hamstrings before running, and to do a cool down stretch after. I've had some painful injuries due to not stretching. Ouch.  

- Eating & Drinking. I refrain from eating a couple of hours before I run. This is because I have acid reflux, and if I eat that close to working out, I will almost always throw up. Drinking has the same affect as well. Sometimes my blood sugar drops while running, which sucks, but you can always try eating a high protein snack maybe 30 minutes before you go out. 

I hope you've found all of this helpful. It was nice when people just like me could share on running and I was able to relate to their experiences with ones of my own. Good luck, and don't forget: You CAN do it!

Miracles of the Program

There are days when I feel like things aren't going the way I want them to, and that's when I get to thinking about the incredible opportunities God has given me. This photo is from my May 2013 college graduation.

While this may have happened just over three years ago, it's a reminder of the miracle that Al-Anon has bestowed upon me.

There are some things in this post that are personal, that I don't talk about often, and normally don't write down for it to be permanently placed on the internets forever and ever, but this post is real and comes from the heart and I won't be holding back my thoughts and feelings.

Three years ago, I graduated from OU with a bachelor's degree. I invited a host of family members knowing that because they all live so far away that many of them might not be able to show up. I also invited ALL of my family, meaning I invited my dad's side and mom's side.

Here are the reasons why this photo is a miracle.

1. My mom (in the center with blonde curly hair) and my dad (baseball cap in the back on the left) divorced when I was really, really young. The fact that my parents could come together for my sake made me so incredibly happy. I was able to share my achievement with both of my parents, which meant more than I could say.

2. My paternal grandparents (the stellar looking gentleman holding the baby in the front left and the beautiful woman in the pink shirt behind him) got to see me graduate, after many struggles in college and in life. My Peepaw paid for my college and for that I will be forever grateful. He gave me the opportunity to succeed, something I didn't think I was going to get.

3. This photo wouldn't have happened before. This I know, because when I graduated high school my family "wasn't allowed" to spend time together. My mom and my now-ex-step-dad were married when I graduated high school. I invited all of my family to come see it because, duh, it's a big deal. Well, because of my stepdad's super controlling tendencies, and him being an overall jerk, he wouldn't allow my dad's side of the family to see me on my graduation weekend. I was BEYOND upset, I was livid. Enraged. Broken hearted. Everyone was hurt, not just me, and it was a totally unacceptable action he took.

4. Both sets of my grandparents got to see me graduate college! Then they got to mingle and talk and catch up afterwards! You see, they never had any hard feelings towards each other (to my knowledge). The high school fiasco was out of everyone's control and it was wonderful to get to experience all of my family coming together with no resentment and to just focus on the celebration.

5. See those two little girls in the front? Purple shirt and pink shirt? Those are two of my sisters. One of my brothers is to my left in the beanie.

6. My aunts, my uncle-in-law, my cousin and her daughter(s) (she was preggo with her 2nd!), my mom's husband, and Jose's mom, dad, and cousin all got to be there, along with wonderful friends, my boss at the time and his awesome family, and some of my best friends. It's just incredible! So many people I care about and love!

6. Because of Al-Anon, I didn't have to worry about the mildly-crazy things that happened this weekend. I got to focus on spending time with people who wanted to come see me and celebrate my achievement. It didn't matter who was acting out, I didn't have to get resentful or upset, I didn't have to think about why this couldn't have happened in high school. I could be grateful for this awesome, wonderful, amazing opportunity to have most of my family together and be happy, joyous, and free.

What's one photo that reminds you of a miracle that has been bestowed upon you? Let me know!

Things to Think About

Welcome to another personal blog post!

I just wanted to give a bit of an update on life because I feel like it's due time.

At the beginning of the year, I posted the commitments that I wanted to work on this year.

I am proud to say that I've been keeping up with them pretty well! I guess that's what I can post about here. It'll be nice to pull all of my thoughts together in a cohesive manner.

If you want to read my 2016 Commitments post, click here.

1) Become more "house wife-y"
I wrote about how I wanted to do more at home, cook more, clean more often, and spend more time with my boyfriend. It's been nice spending more time at home! I am trying to keep up with general house-keeping by doing little things around the house on a daily basis. Like, instead of just tossing dirty dishes in the sink to clean every four days, to spend 30 seconds washing my dishes. When the laundry hamper gets full, don't ignore it, but start a load of laundry. When I notice the carpets are getting dirty, just do a quick sweep with the vacuum.

I know some people might be thinking, "duh" but I have a tendency to get "busy" and ignore the most common ways I can take care of my dwelling and at the end of the week I don't have four hours worth of chores to do instead of relaxing!

I'm also trying to cook and bake more, which has been going somewhat well. More often than not, I am only cooking for myself, so I have to get creative when it comes to cooking for just one. I'm also baking once or twice a week, something like muffins for breakfast and then cookies or a cake for fun-sies! I've enjoyed having time and energy to cook and bake again and it's definitely healthier than microwave meals or eating cheese-its for dinner.

2) Embrace my delightfully weird self
I have definitely been embracing my delightfully weird self! I've recently started a blog called The Geeky Baker and am slowly starting up that and a YouTube channel that focuses on geeky things like themed baked goods, DIY crafts, home decor, and things like that!

I also just bought the 3rd season of Game of Thrones and received the 4th season as a birthday gift, so there goes my social life! On top of that, I'm still reading books from my 2016 Reading Challenge list! Click here for that post!

3) Read more books
I guess I just jumped right into my next category! I've been reading some pretty good books lately. I am currently reading The Two Towers by J.R.R. Tolkien because it's Lord of the Rings and why not?!  I've just started that one last week, so it'll be a while before I jump into the next book. I also just found out the American Psycho is a book, and I'm kind of curious if I should purchase it??

4) Take care of myself
This has been the most important thing of my commitments! Here's a list of things I've been doing to take care of myself:
- Running 3 times a week
- Making a conscious decision to eat healthy meals regularly
- Making a gratitude list every evening before bed
- Going to the doctor instead of ignoring my health problems
- Getting a haircut, taking care of my skin and nails
- Reset when I'm having an off day
- Doing what is right and good for me

So! That's it for now. I've been very busy as of late but I've definitely had a good first part of the year and I'm looking forward to the rest!

Evaluation

So last week I had an evaluation at work. It is typical for my anxiety to go through the roof when I have to meet one-on-one with a boss, and this wasn't any different.

One thing I did differently this time: I prayed.

It wasn't a super religious prayer. It wasn't even complicated. I simply asked God to help me listen to my boss so I can see how I can be a better employee. That's it. Then we headed to my eval.

He asked me if I was nervous. I just smiled and said, "Nah, not really." (TOTALLY LYING, SORRY J. I WAS PANICKING.) He just responded with, "Huh, normally people dread these things."

We grab a coffee at a nearby cafe and sit down to discuss my short time at the office. It was actually pretty pleasant, and I knew that whatever he told me I needed to take with a grain of salt and see it as an opportunity to perform my designer-ly duties better.

Shockingly enough, my evaluation was great! I met all expectations of my job performance and I even went beyond expectations. He told me he was impressed by my interest in all of our projects and clients, and admired my willingness to learn more about the projects I was working on. I also got a beyond performance on listening, receiving, and conveying information and direction as well as working cooperatively with others.

I do have some goals that I want to work on in the next 9 months. I want to take more initiative in projects that are discussed but never started. I think design projects are often put on the back burner because people want to spruce things up or do something fun but get stuck with ideas on what to do visually. I'm hopeful that these initiatives will help me increase my creative thinking and problem solving by working on projects without being told exactly what to design and giving myself more creative freedom.

Another goal is to learn more about the programs I'm working with. I have at least 25 programs that I work with through the University and I know a bit about some of them, but I want to know more. This will help me get to know my clients and it will also help me better design projects with the right content in mind.

All in all, I am so grateful that my job is going well and that I enjoy doing what I do. I couldn't be where I am today or do the things I do without the help of my friends and family. I used to be so afraid to confront my character defects and not look at what I could do different. I used to blame others for my wrong doings. Today I don't have to do that and it feels good to keep my side of the street clean!

Book Review #3 - Cinder, Scarlet, & Cress (The Lunar Chronicles)

Hello and welcome to book review number 3 for the 2016 Reading Challenge!

This week's review is brought to you by: the future!

This last week I read three of the (#?) books from The Lunar Chronicles: Cinder, Scarlet, and Cress. I was doing some research and realized I have no idea how many books are in this series. I could'v'e sworn when I finished reading Cress last night, I saw five books on the back cover... but on Goodreads, I only found 4, plus several side-story books. So I'm not really sure how many more there are to go.

(Edited to add: After finding TheLunarChronicles.com I have discovered that there are six books in the series! The remaining three are: Fairest, Winter, & Stars Above)

Anyways! I bought these three books to cover three different categories in my reading challenge list. A Book Based on a Fairytale, A Romance Set in the Future, and A Dystopian Novel. They are in the young adult section at Hastings, and I'm assuming would be there in most large book stores as well.

The Lunar Chronicles: Cinder, Scarlet, & Cress by Marissa Meyer
Categor(ies): A Book Based on a Fairytale, A Romance Set in the Future, and A Dystopian Novel.
Rating: 9/10
Summary: Fun, cute, and exciting series.

The Lunar Chronicles are, much to my surprise, a great series of books. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading the first three. I read them pretty quickly... in 7 days. That's what happens when I enjoy good books! The book takes place after WWIV, the main location being New Beijing; a new city that had been developed after the massive destruction from the war.

There are three types of "people" in this book: Earthens (a.k.a. Earthlings), Cyborgs (part human/part robot), and Lunars (beings from the Moon that have supernatural capabilities). Cyborgs are actually held to a Cyborg Protection Law that does not allow them freedom; they have to be "owned" by a human, even though they are technically human anyway. Cyborgs are thought of as less than humans and looked to do more service/maid work for the Earthens. Then there are Lunars, which basically no one on Earth likes. They live on Luna (a.k.a. the moon) and have mystical powers.

Without ruining the book and writing a novel about what happens, essentially the Queen of Luna wants to rule the world. She has set a biological warfare (a disease called Letumosis) on Earth without anyone knowing about it and it's slowly killing off the human race. In the first book, the new Emperor, a young boy, is trying to find a way to stop the disease being spread while keeping peace with Luna. The Queen of Luna insists the only way to bring peace is by marriage. The Emperor believes that there is another way to bring peace between Luna and Earth, and that is to find the missing Princess Selene and bring her to rightfully rule on the Lunar throne.

This is the basis of the first three books. There are multiple roles interchanging throughout the books, a writing technique that I enjoy. This is also done in Game of Thrones and The Dark Tower series. The character development is quite impressive for there being so many of them, and the plot has a great way of wrapping itself around all of the characters like a glove.

I only have one problem with this book: It's kind of predictable.

The book is obviously written for young adults and teenagers. Of course, I consider myself neither, so the plot was pretty obvious about 3/4 of the way into the first book. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy the series, and I will most likely buy the other three books and read them, but I could probably just guess what would happen to each character and be right.

This books reminds me a lot of Harry Potter, but I feel like Rowling put more into the books that adults would also appreciate. I don't consider Harry Potter to be a YA book series by any means. There was a lot more depth and detail going into the darkness of the wizarding world that I haven't come across yet in The Lunar Chronicles. Maybe in the next three books, more will be revealed and I'll be totally wrong. That would be a nice change of pace!

The best part of the book, for me, is the group of misfits that are the primary characters throughout the series. Cinder, Scarlet, Cress, and the other characters are the epitome of awkward and goofy outcasts. The reason I love this is because I could relate to them so easily. Being a teenager or young adult, I can imagine how awesome it is to read that the awkward citizens of the world are ones that are going to save it.

So to wrap this review up: I am impressed with The Lunar Chronicles and Marissa Meyer's writing style. I've enjoyed these immensely and I would definitely recommend these to someone who is looking for a series that has action, sci-fi, romance, humor, and heroic tendencies.

Book Review #2 - The Man in the High Castle + Slaughterhouse-Five

Hello and welcome back to the second book review for the 2016 Reading Challenge!

This review is brought to you by World War 2! How... exciting?

I want to preface this review by saying that I did not intend to take a month to read a book. I had to travel to Texas for two weeks in February and didn't have time to read much while I was there. That being said, I thought it had been MUCH longer than a month between this review and the last, so I'm glad it wasn't!

The first book I'll be reviewing is The Man in the High Castle by Philip K. Dick. This was for the category A Book Recommended by Someone You Just Met. The second book was Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut. This was supposed to be for A Book You Haven't Read Since High School... but I have a confession to make... I never read this in high school.

The Man in the High Castle by Philip K. Dick
Category: A Book Recommended by Someone You Just Met
Rating: 5/10
Summary: Over-hyped book that tried really hard

The Man in the High Castle was originally a book published in 1963. Then it became a popular TV series and had people raving. I haven't watched the TV series and I don't plan on it, but when someone told me that it was about WWII if the Germans would've won, I was instantly intrigued. The only war I have ever had interest in, ever, is WWII. I used to read all about it in middle school and high school, I found the topic fascinating.

I picked up this book and was so excited to get into it and see what it would be like if the Nazis ruled the world. Well... it's not quite like that. The book is from the view-point of a few different characters: An Asian, a white man, a Jew, and a German. There are other characters involved: Italians, Swedes, and African Americans. They are much less important, however. Also it might be important to note that the USA doesn't exist anymore. It is owned by the Japanese and the Germans and split accordingly.

Without spoiling the book for those who might be interested in giving it a go, the book revolves around these main characters. In some ways they interact with each other, and we as readers see their involvement and are trying to observe the relationships between them. Americans are no longer powerful and mighty, they are at the bottom of the totem pole. The Germans are at the top, followed by the Japanese. The other races are considered unimportant, some of them wiped off the earth, and if they're caught in hiding, are arrested and sometimes murdered. All of the characters are introduced to a book written by a man who lives in a place he calls "The High Castle." This book causes a lot of controversy but is read none-the-less. Then... after some kind of exciting chapters, the book ends.

So I had two problems with this book.

1) The grammar - Each character would think and talk like you would expect them to in English. The Japanese character spoke very broken English. That makes sense: the war just ended, you're in what was the USA, you're still trying to learn the native language. But then, the author writes his thoughts the same way. So I couldn't ever seem to grasp what the hell he was thinking. It was very frustrating, and I almost quit reading the book about halfway in.

2) The storyline - While I'm trying not to spoil the book for potential readers, I have to just straight up say the I hated the storyline. Now, I don't need a start to finish, from-the-day-I-was-born-to-the-day-I-die storyline, but I like a good classic plot that has a beginning, a climax, and an ending. This book definitely does not have that. It just kind of tapers off into a stupid-boring ending. Which totally sucks because it got really interesting the last two chapters, and I got super into it and excited that it was going to end better than it started, and then nope.

So to wrap this review up: I am not a fan. I was not impressed. I liked the idea of the book, a post-WWII Nazi-run world. Cool story, bro. I did not like the writing style nor did I like the plot-line. Maybe my brain just couldn't wrap itself around the book, but that just tells me that it's not my style.

Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
Category: A Book You Haven't Read Since High School
Rating: 7/10
Summary: What the hell did I just read?

Ok, I read this book in two days. It was an easy-to-read book, but not necessarily and easy-to-get book. Does that make sense?

A quick summary of this book would be this: A WWII veteran, Billy Pilgrim, gets "unstuck" from time and constantly time travels through his memories.

This is how the book is written, too. I read last night that Vonnegut was the first author to write about becoming "unstuck" and has now become a very popular subject to write about.

This book is interesting for sure. The first 50 pages or so, I wasn't quite grasping what was going on, but then he began to explain that he had become "unstuck" and often time travelled. The perspective is written just so; he would be a child, then a 40-something year old, then a soldier, and back and forth and so on. Once I understood that the book would remain inconsistent in time, I was able to just allow myself to read it without trying too hard.

Another interesting piece of the book were the aliens. Billy claimed he had been abducted by aliens and that they helped him to understand what becoming "unstuck" was actually about. The aliens said that life happens on 4 dimensions. Humans can only see 3 of them, but the humans that become unstuck can actually see in the 4th dimension, and therefore see all things happening as they were, as they are, and as they will be. This is how the aliens viewed time, happening all at once and happening one moment at a time. Humans could only see one moment at a time and in a linear perspective. The aliens pitied the humans for not being able to embrace life and death as they are, that you're not gone forever but you still exist in another place in another time. Fascinating, right?

At the end of the book I wondered what had truly happened to the main character, Billy Pilgrim. Did he have PTSD? Did he actually time travel? Did all of the things he talked about actually happen?

I asked my boyfriend what he thought (this is one of his favorite books) and he just simply told me that there are many theories as to what is actually happening to Billy Pilgrim. Some think that he actually died during the war and created these memories to cope with the process of dying. Some think he might have actually time travelled.

So to wrap this review up: I, personally, am not sure what to think of what happened to Billy Pilgrim, but it has definitely given me food for thought. I enjoyed this book and I recommend it to anyone who is interested in the idea of time being an non-linear thing.


To see my last review on The Fellowship of the Ring and Challenger Deep, click here!

Book Review #1 - The Lord of the Rings + Challenger Deep

Hello!

Welcome to the first book review of the 2016 Reading Challenge!

Throughout the year I will be posting book reviews over the books in my 2016 Reading Challenge. It sounds simple because it is simple. I will try to update as often as possible because I want the content of the book(s) to be fresh on my mind so I can give my most accurate opinion.

Three weeks into the new year and I have finished two of my books! The first one I read was The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien. This was for my A Book & its Prequel category. The second book was Challenger Deep by Neal Shusterman. This was for my National Book Award Winner category. So let's just jump right into the reviews!

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien
Category: A Book & its Prequel
Rating: 9/10
Summary: Detailed, long read, imaginative, vast

This is one of my favorite trilogies and favorite worlds in Book Land. I absolutely love the idea of Middle Earth and its history and stories. I have read the trilogy before, along with The Hobbit, The Silmarillion, and a few other books from that land.

The Fellowship of the Ring is the beginning of Frodo Baggins' adventure, but it also ties in deeply with the history and conclusion of Middle Earth. There are many things in this book that, when reading it the first time around, felt lost on me, like I was missing pages with valuable information. However, after reading The Hobbit and The Silmarillion, this story line is a lot more clear to me.

There are a few things I like about Tolkien's writing. First, he is detailed. I love detail because it allows me to imagine the character more accurately while I'm reading the story. I'm very visual and very right-brained, which means that as I'm reading I have to create the images I'm reading. If I don't get enough detail, I feel like I can't connect to the storyline. Second, his book has more story than meets the eye. Much of a character's history can be found in other books, which means that I can go find said books and learn more about the inhabitants of Middle Earth. Third, he is just a great writer. I learned long ago that some books have what I call "the hook." The hook is what gets me going. If the author writes something good enough or intriguing enough, I have to keep reading to find out what happens next. That is how Tolkien writes, in my opinion. He has the hook and reels me in every time!

One thing I like about this book in particular is that he gives each character the opportunity to have a personality. We all know it's about The Ring and how it needs to be destroyed, so the focus is mostly on Frodo. However, throughout the book, each of the characters of the fellowship are focused on which allows you to learn more about their character and get more insight on how they will help or hinder the company.

One thing that might confuse some and even confused me the first time reading this book is the plethora of "extra" characters that come up once and are never seen again. I have mixed feelings about this for which I will discuss my positive view and my negative view. My positive view is that, yes, there are all of these extra characters that pop up and disappear, but that is how life works. We have these random roles filled about us with people we never see again. I feel like Tolkien did a great job making this very realistic. However, as a book from a trilogy with a huge amount of characters, it is overwhelming... along with the 3-5 names each person is given (Elfish, Dwarf Tongue, Common Tongue, Old Tongue, etc) that you feel like you need to remember. It can just become overwhelming!

So to wrap this review up: I would recommend this, highly, to anyone who is willing to hyper-focus on the trilogy, and even perhaps delve into the Silmarillion and side-stories. However, if you're looking for a quick read, I would pass it up.

Challenger Deep by Neal Shusterman
Category: A National Book Award Winner
Rating: 10/10
Summary: Creative, eye-opening, overwhelming, stigma-breaking

The original book I was supposed to read for National Book Award Winner was Fortune Smiles by Adam Johnson. Apparently my Higher Power had better things in mind.

When I went to the bookstore this weekend, I was looking for Fortune Smiles and couldn't seem to find it. It looked like my bookstore had a huge sale and a lot of shelves were wiped clean. I didn't find too many of the books I was looking for and was wandering towards the front when I saw another book I needed for my list. Then, I glanced down and saw Challenger Deep. I remembered it being on the National Book Award list and thought, "I'd rather buy this book now than order the one I'm supposed to read online." What a lazy thought, but it proved to be exactly what I was supposed to do.

Without spoiling the book, the basis of the story is about a 15 year old boy named Caden Bosch who is struggling with a mental illness. You don't quite get it at first, pages 1-30 are a little random, but I think that's the point. It goes on to narrate the story inside of Caden's head, his thoughts on everything surrounding him.

I will admit, I did not quite understand what was going on. Then, there was this point about 50 pages or maybe 100 pages in where it clicked.

You see, I know several people who struggle with mental illness. I know someone who is bipolar and manic depressive. I never quite understood them, and still don't quite understand them, but this book helped show me what is going on inside their head. Sometimes they leave reality and become manic and paranoid over things we don't see or understand. My friend would tell me they think someone is following them home from work, or that someone was watching their house, that they couldn't leave their child with someone else because something could happen to the child. Most of the time I would ignore it, or think they were being weird, and I occasionally would get irritated if it happened more than once a week. Now I know it's not weird, but it's a mental illness. They can't help it. Even if they KNOW they are being irrational, they can't control the thinking in their head.

I don't know... this book struck a cord with me. It was very eye-opening. It's helped me to understand that mental illness can't be willed away. Some days the illness is bad, really bad, and some days it's just there waiting to take over.

If you have ever read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time by Mark Haddon, I would like to think that Challenger Deep is a similar style, both stigma-breaking and eye-opening books. If you haven't read The Curious Incident, you should, it's a great book, another one I highly recommend.

I just have to finish with this: the stigma of mental illness is not good. I think many people don't understand what mental illnesses are and it makes them cast out those who have it. I don't quite understand bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, manic depression, and those other scary diagnoses. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully understand them, but this book gave me the inside scoop on how people with a mental illness deal with life. It's scary, terrifying even. I can't imagine going through that kind of ordeal. What I can do, however, is have compassion, and try my best to just accept them for who they are, even when I can't help.

So to wrap this review up: I would HIGHLY recommend this book. I don't care who you are, what genre you read, how much time you have, just read it. It took me one day to read, and I would stop to do laundry, make meals, play with the dog, etc. Just read it!

2015 Year in Review // 2016 Commitments

Happy New Year!

I can NOT believe it's 2016!

2015 was an interesting year. In many ways it challenged me to step out of my comfort zone and to face a lot of fears I had. I believe 2015 was a year of growth. I learned a lot about myself and I'm grateful for all of my experiences (the good, the bad, and the ugly).

I would love to do a recap of 2015. I won't make it as long as the ones I've done before. I want to focus more on 2016 because I'm excited for what's to come!

I started helping teens with that thing I do regularly. It has been interesting doing something for others that takes away selfish thinking. It has its ups and down (can someone say teenage hormones, because good grief) but overall it has been a fun experience. I struggled with this at first because I wanted so badly to save these kids from their homes (and themselves), but I've learned that I can't do that. I can only show them how to make changes within themselves if they want it. (Above photo was our anniversary celebration at Hey Day. What a great memory!)

Another thing that happened in 2015 was getting Bronson, and then finding him a new home. This was one of the hardest experiences I have ever had the pleasure(?) of dealing with. I wanted a second dog so badly and found Bronson via Craigslist. It seemed like a wonderful idea, and truthfully was nothing but good intentions, but... Bronson was the second most stressful living being I had ever dealt with all of my life. I'm going to be brutally honest here because I feel like it's important to tell the truth about what I was dealing with. I tried so hard changing my personality to fit Bronson's needs that I got incredibly depressed. The depression stemmed from feeling like a failure. I couldn't help Bronson become less timid and submissive, I couldn't prevent him from peeing in the house or submissively peeing, and when I failed I would get angry, then I would yell and holler and punish, then I would feel guilty and try it all over again. It caused a lot of problems in our house. I was miserable. I cried all the time. I only dealt with the dogs when I had to. I stopped talking to people. I felt terribly alone and isolated. I wanted to leave and never look back. When I finally spoke up about rehoming Bronson I was so stressed out. Thinking about it today still stresses me out. It caused a lot of tension and unwanted stress. But I had a choice to make: I was going to lose my mind or find this dog a new home. Eventually enough "incidents" happened to where I finally had a breaking point and found Bronson a new owner. The last I heard from the owner, Bronson is a very happy farm dog chasing all the deer and wildlife he wants.

Another experience in 2015 was job hunting. I talked about this in my last post but it was a major point in the last year, something that shaped my path and taught me a lot. I have learned (through that thing that I do regularly) that I am a huge people pleaser and full of fear. Maybe that's normal, maybe it's not, but my fear of disappointing people and fear of failure can ruin me. This is so serious that it's almost hard to talk about. I started struggling with my last job when some of the executive decision-making was making me uncomfortable, but I was so worried about upsetting my boss that I didn't do anything. Let's not forget that I was actually working two jobs for half of last year so I could pay my bills. I really questioned why I was allowing myself to suffer so much just to bake. Why would I put myself through something so tedious and not get anywhere when I have a degree in a very stable career field? So, after battling with my fears, I finally made the step to look for a new job in the fall. It took a few months but I finally got offered the job I'm currently at through OU. What's been fun to see in the last month is that my desire for baking and cooking at home has come back. I look forward to it instead of dreading it when I get home. I'm also less tired which in turn makes me less irritable. Last, but definitely not least, is that I am now financially stable, and can really look at doing things I've been holding off just so I could bake while barely making ends meet.

I also competed in the Oklahoma State Fair again. I didn't do as well as I wanted to, but I did place 1st in several categories and overall I did a great job raking in the ribbons. It was fun to recipe develop and try new things. It allowed me to take risks that I haven't done in baking before. Some of it worked, some of it didn't, but I feel like it made me more brave. One thing that has held me back over the past year or so is not having the money to try new recipes. I didn't want to waste $15 if the recipe was going to turn out okay. I've been wanting to work on new cheesecake recipes as well, and while it's hard for you to mess those up, cream cheese is expensive! I'm excited that I'll have the time and money to focus on more recipe developing and hopefully jump back into food blogging again!

Overall, I think 2015 has taught me one VERY important thing: I've gotta do me. I have to make the effort, the decisions, take the risks, the leaps of faith, I have to take care of me. If you noticed, I only talked about myself in this post. It's been a long time coming before I could manage to do that (and I had to rewrite a few paragraphs). Usually it was other people, places, and things that made me happy, but 2015 has taught me that only I can make myself happy. I can't rely on outside forces to do these things for me, I have to rely on what is on the inside. This year was hard. VERY hard. I made a lot of decisions that put me in EXTREMELY uncomfortable situations. I had to confront people. I had to quit a job I loved but could no longer financially support me. I had to get rid of a dog. I had to accept when I was wrong and amend those situations. I had to accept some situations that weren't going to go my way.

But here is the cool thing. Are you ready? You want to hear what happened?

Everything turned out okay.

2016 Commitments

I am like many other people in this world. I hate the word resolutions. When the New Year comes around, I groan just thinking about seeing all of these resolutions being made just so they can be broken in a month. Womp womp.

So this year I made the decision to change the word from resolutions to commitments. Why? Because I can make a commitment. I can hold a commitment. I feel like when I commit, it holds me accountable of something. It gives me more responsibility. I have also found that I can't seem to force myself to change. I can't just consciously think to myself, "Hey Kelli, let's stop doing this and from now on only do this." I mean... what. I can't do that. First off, I have to be willing to change. I feel like the new year forces people to pick things to change rather than become willing to change it. Sometimes I become willing in April. Or October. It's not always January. Second off, a lot of change for me occurs on the inside. Not the outside. Changing things on the outside don't make me feel better in the long run. I have to change the way I'm thinking and acting in order to change my life around me.

So this year I have just a couple of commitments.

1) Become more "house wife-y"
I know this doesn't make sense. I'm not married, this is true. This means, to me, that I want to do more at home. I want to cook more meals, I want to keep up with chores around the house, I want to spend more time at home. I spent a lot of last year just running around instead of embracing what was around me. I have a lovely home, an adorable pug, and hard working boyfriend, and I want to become more a part of that setting.

2) Embrace my delightfully weird self
In the past, I spent a lot of time hiding the things I enjoyed from people because I hated being judged. This last year I realized that if I spend all my time shaping myself to other peoples particular needs that I will never be able to embrace my weird. I love my weird. I am a nerd, a fan girl, I love to read, I love to do crafty things, I love to look up weird theories about books and movies and learn an unnecessary amount of information about them. So this year, I'm going to embrace that. If I see an awesome Harry Potter dress at Hot Topic and I can't live without it, then I'm going to buy it. If I see an opportunity to quote a line from Lord of the Rings in a conversation, then I'm going to quote it. If I have 4 hours on a random weekend to watch Game of Thrones obsessively and pine over the fact that Winds of Winter won't be out for a really long time, then I'm going to do that.

3) Read more books
I have an entire post about the 2016 Reading Challenge right here. Last year I read the first 5 (and the only published) A Song of Fire and Ice books by George R.R. Martin. (For those of you who don't know, that is where the TV show Game of Thrones comes from. Game of Thrones is the first book of the series. The rest of the books are all titled differently.) I really enjoyed reading something new for the first time in a while, so I decided that I would join a reading challenge to get myself reading new genres. Ironically enough, my first book is The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien, one that I have read before, but wanted to reread and it fit nicely into my challenge list.

4) Take care of myself
This is kind of generic, but something I want to focus on for 2016. Taking care of myself means a lot of things to me. Sometimes it means taking care of my body, such as skincare or exercise. Sometimes it means taking care of my emotions, such as journalling or meditating. Sometimes it means indulging in something, such as buying a new purse or getting my hair did. It even means taking care of my health, such as going to the dentist or the doctor when I need to. I spent a lot of time ignoring myself in 2015 (especially the first half) and just focusing on everything around me. I stopped wearing makeup, I stopped dressing nice, I stopped journaling, I stopped caring. It had a lot to do with being depressed, but I realize that I can't just ignore my body, my feelings, or my thoughts. I need to embrace them and work with them. If I'm having a bad day, I need to reset. If I'm tired, I need to take a nap. If I'm feeling ugly, I need to get dressed and put on some make up and fix my hair. I want to try to get back into yoga again, but I will be taking it very slowly since my body is recovering from working on my feet for the last 2ish years.

So! That's my 2016 commitments list! I'm looking forward to working on this a little bit at a time! Now, it's your turn to type! What are your 2016 commitments? Do you have any? Do you wish you could've made some? It's not too late! You can begin to grow and change any time you want to!