Day 30 - 30 Day Challenge

React to this term: Letting Go.

This is one of my favorite sayings!

I think one of my latest blog posts was exactly about this, but I'd love to talk more about what it means to me.

I am the kind of person who likes to hold on to things. I like things I'm used to, and I don't like things I'm not used to. It's simple. I like to be comfortable and content with where I am, who I am, who I'm with and what I'm doing.

My Higher Power, however, wants me to keep changing. He doesn't want me to be complacent or stagnant, He wants me to grow and become a better person every day.

And to be honest, there are days when I get frustrated and want to stay exactly where I am.

On days (or weeks or months, and in some cases almost years) when I don't want to do anything right I just want to be where I am and not have to worry about change, I have to let go.

I have to let go of my expectations, my will, my ways of thinking, my ideas, my attitude, my fears, my worries, my everything. Obviously what I'm doing is not helping and my actions are not changing what's around me.

One prime example in my life was just last January to August. Everything around me was changing. I was a junior on my way to being a senior in college. My boyfriend had changed. He quit smoking, he quit partying, he quit eating unhealthy and he started exercising. It was a strange thing to see my boyfriend of almost two years change so drastically and it really threw me off. Then it seemed like school was changing. It was getting over-dramatic and obnoxious and I started to hate school. I started to not enjoy hanging out with people anymore, they were driving me crazy and I couldn't stand listening to their drama. During this time my mom moved to Texas, I was struggling finding a stable job, it was getting closer and closer to that point where I would have to grow up and I grew scared. I had been so comfortable going to school the last 20 years that I didn't know if I could make it out there. All of this was going on around me and I was stuck. I didn't know what to do and I didn't like it.

Finally, after EIGHT of the LONGEST MONTHS OF MY LIFE, I surrendered. I had to let go or I wouldn't be able to take it any more. I finally prayed to God to help me and let go of all my fears, expectations and old actions. It is amazing what God can do, because that's exactly what happened.

This last year (since August) has been amazing. It was one of the most enjoyable school years I had, I was able to accept my boyfriend for who he is, even if it was different than what I knew. I can get on my knees and pray to my God to remove my expectations and attitude so I can be a better person. I have less fear today about my future and know that my Higher Power will help me as long as I stay near him.

So that's what letting go means to me.

Being able to give up what's comfortable, even if I'm miserable, so I can grow and learn and in the end be happy, joyous and free.